How To Find the Right Coach for You

I have a confession to make: I offer coaching services, but deep down, I wish I didn’t have to.

Don’t worry, no one is forcing me :).  I do it with a full heart, because I believe in it. I enjoy it. And I’ve seen it work.

What bothers me about coaching is the same discomfort I feel about the widespread reliance on psychotherapy. What drives people to seek professional support? What are companies doing internally to enable their people’s performance and wellbeing? Why has work become such a lonely, pressurised part of our lives?

I wish, rather than helping people navigate challenging circumstances, we’d spend more time and resources on fixing the environments they’re in.

But while people smarter than me work on sorting that out, I’m here to help you find the best coach for you, if you choose to go down this path.

Why Coaching Matters (Even If You and I Wish It Didn’t)

Managers and HR teams are overwhelmed, disengaged, and rarely well-trained in the art of human connection and change. On the rare occasion that coaching skills make the agenda of large-scale training, they've often been diluted and repurposed until the end result is barely recognisable.

Getting coached on the job is no longer a common occurrence. Trust within organisations and in leaders is eroding. People come and go faster than ever. Work friendships have become the exception.

Add to that living in a culture of first impressions, one-chance opportunities, and relentless performance. The real work—the messy, vulnerable, identity-shaping stuff—happens behind closed doors, while on the surface we keep smiling and waving.

So yes, getting a coach in today’s world of work makes a lot of sense.

According to the International Coaching Federation, 80% of people who receive coaching report increased self-confidence, and over 70% benefit from improved work performance, relationships, and communication.

What Does a Coach Do?

A coach is someone who can offer a safe space, a mirror, and gentle guidance through a process of reflection, self-(re)discovery, and preparation for positive action.

A coach works with you, but they can’t do the work for you. Don’t expect miracles or to be saved. You still need to do the hard bit – but this time with a bit more clarity and support.

So, if you’re considering working with a coach, how do you choose one?

Start With What You Already Know

Perhaps you’ve been coached before, either formally or informally. If that’s the case, that experience is a great starting point. Take some time to reflect on what worked, and what didn’t. How did the conversations feel? Did they provoke any new insights, or inspire action? What did you admire in the coach’s approach, and what didn’t land?

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I had to choose a coach for the first time. But after 60 painful minutes with a prospective coach who got lost in metaphors while I was quietly imploding under the pressure of a toxic leader, I was suddenly able to articulate a few selection criteria for myself:

• must invite real talk quickly

• must pause more often

• must have a good sense of humour.

Coaching Framework

A big thing to consider in your search is, what values and beliefs is your coach working from? What shapes their worldview?

For example, I offer trauma-informed coaching. That means I believe our life stories matter, and that our behaviour at work—especially under stress—is shaped by our lived experience. It also means I apply the 6 principles of trauma-informed care to guide reflection, ideation, and motivation. Safety, trust, choice, collaboration, empowerment, and cultural consideration are not just things that may, or may not, come up in our work. They represent the infrastructure that informs all my work.

But trauma-informed coaching is not the only type of coaching available. There’s cognitive-behavioural coaching, evolutionary coaching, transformational coaching, somatic coaching, and more. Most coaches use a blend of models (which is a good thing) but they will draw on a particular theory or philosophy more than others. Make sure you check what that is and then see if it resonates.

Integrity

Coaching is delicate, often emotionally charged work. Your coach’s level of emotional maturity and moral development matters. The last thing you want is, working with someone without a strong internal compass who might inadvertently harm the relationship and your psychological safety.

Integrity is hard to assess quickly. If something feels off, that may very well be your neuroception picking up on something that deserves attention. Things like vague or shifting fees, overpromising, or casual references to other clients’ stories may point to deeper concerns.

My advice? Stay clear of anyone who isn’t ready to treat your work together with the utmost professionalism.

Personal Fit

How often do you get to choose the people you work with, and say no to relational discomfort? We all get along better with some people than others, and that’s okay. Since you’re paying for it, you should feel free to prioritise personal chemistry in your coaching relationship – whatever that means for you.

I mentioned a sense of humour earlier. That’s massive for me. Laughter is one of life’s greatest resources, and I’d struggle to work with someone who doesn’t see the hilarious absurdity in life’s challenges. I also treasure freedom in all forms, so I know I’d find it very hard to support effectively anyone who subscribes to a rigid, externally imposed belief system, whether religious, class-based, or cultural.

You might need someone calm and grounding. Or someone bold and provocative. Perhaps you can’t trust someone who doesn’t like chocolate chip cookies. Your coaching, your choice. Make sure you enjoy spending time and talking to your coach.

Lived experience also falls in this category. As a trauma survivor and someone who’s struggled for decades with complex PTSD, I know that other survivors just get things about me in an instant. That matters, a lot. What significant experiences have shaped you, and would it help if your coach shared them?

Four key tips to help you find the right coach: start with your past experiences, understand the coaching model, prioritize integrity, and ensure a personal fit to create a successful coaching relationship.

Final Thought on How to Find a Coach That's Right for You

Choosing a coach is a leap of faith, but it needn’t be a blind one. The more you connect with yourself - your values, goals, and needs - the easier it becomes to articulate them, and correctly identify those who can walk alongside you in synch. Coaching is a lot about goals, but it’s also about being witnessed, challenged, and supported in ways that feel right.

If you’re curious about trauma-informed coaching, have a look at my Coaching page or reach out for a free, confidential chat. Or don’t, if that feels off somehow. Start by noticing what you need. That’s where all good coaching begins.