First Grounded, Then Brilliant: A Different Approach to Smashing Interviews and Getting the Job (and What Most Interview Skills Training is Missing)

Job interviews are the standard gateway to work in virtually every field, regardless of seniority or impact. From corporate executives and academics to flight attendants, nannies, and musicians—no one is spared. Even self-employed professionals must pitch themselves to land opportunities.

According to US recruitment firm Zippia, the average person will change jobs 12 times over their life—a number I can only see rising. And depending on the market you’re job hunting in, it can take tens or even hundreds of applications and interviews to secure one role.

All that to say: interviewing well is a vital career skill.

From Skills Matching to Relationship Building

So much job seeking advice tends to focus on CV writing, techniques for answering interview questions, and other process-focused tips and strategies. In my experience, that’s helpful, but not nearly enough. At its core, the interview is an encounter between two people. Choosing someone to join your team isn’t just a business decision, but a leap of faith with far-reaching personal consequences. In practical terms, hiring someone means deciding to spend more time with them than you probably spend with your family, and trusting them with work that will affect your own performance and reputation.

Beneath the template questions and rehearsed answers, the interview is a rapid exercise in relationship-building and trust negotiation.

When Interviews Feel Like Triggers

Interview tips and trainings rarely account for how the body responds under stress. For many candidates, interviews can activate:

• Freeze or fawn responses, e.g. when someone with a history of interpersonal abuse is being challenged by the interviewer, cut off, or asked questions such as ‘Why would we hire you?” which can feel more like an attempt to assert dominance and less like genuine interest in the candidate’s unique qualifications for the role.

• Hyper-vigilance triggered by vague or abstract questions that lack an obvious purpose, ambiguous comments or changes in tone or the interview format.

• Dissociation, i.e. sudden moments of disconnect such as apparent distraction, inconsistent pacing, or going blank mid-sentence. Such behaviours are unlikely to be rooted in self-doubt, and offer glimpses of long histories of being misunderstood, intimidated or dismissed.

In my experience supporting hundreds of hiring managers, the most common reason for rejecting an otherwise strong candidate is: “They just didn’t seem very confident.” But for many people who have lived with overwhelming stress for prolonged periods of time, or who may be in a very stressful situation in the present, confidence isn’t the issue—felt safety is.

By design—and even more so when handled carelessly—interviews can echo past experiences of being judged, vulnerable, or forced to mask opinions and feelings in order to survive. And when the environment feels unsafe, the nervous system prioritizes protection, not performance. Candidates can shut down, lose focus, or become distant, without awareness or control, in response to seemingly innocuous questions, comments or changes in the environment.

Which is, of course, deeply unfortunate, since interviews reward the very opposite - polish, performance, and presence.

Small Shifts, Big Impact

Making interviews more trauma-sensitive doesn’t require a full overhaul, but an awareness that enabling a sense of felt safety should be a priority. Remember, this is not about how safe the interview might be already, this is about enhancing the perception of safety on the other side of the table.

If you’re a recruiter or a hiring manager, here are a few simple practices that can help:

• Allowing some time for the candidate to settle into the room or conversation before diving into formal questions.

• Providing clear and detailed information about the role, selection process, and timelines. Be honest if some of it is still work in progress, or what might change and why.

• Avoiding trick questions and any behavior that might give the impression that you're out to catch the candidate out.

And candidates? You don’t need to wait for systems to change before stepping into your power.

• Reframe the interview: see it not as a skills-matching exercise, but a conversation with someone who, however awkward or unfair it may feel, holds influence over your future. Frustrating? Perhaps. Painful? Usually yes. But things are what they are, and getting a job is about finding ways to navigate reality.

• Improve your relationship building skills: If you’ve scoffed reading this, believe me, I get it. There were times I wasn’t keen to hear this either! But please come back to this idea eventually. With focus and practice, you can strengthen these skills.

• Cut yourself some slack: There are some excellent reasons why you might find it difficult (or outright intolerable) to smile and perform on command. Thank your defences for always keeping you safe, and then ask them to step aside for an hour while you try something new and hopefully more effective.

If you've been looking for ways to elevate your interview performance and this piece resonates with you, have a look at my Mastering Interview Mindset and Emotions course, or consider coaching with me.

Mastering Interview Mindset and Emotions: From Interview Anxiety to Dream Job

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The job market is tough, and finding work can be a battle. Wishing all job seekers best of luck, and I hope this piece gave you a dose of encouragement and insight you can build on.

Thanks for tuning in,

Adina